What are you running away from? 🏃

A SATC meme that has me going all existential

It is my belief that if you ever find yourself in a predicament, or perhaps contemplating the meaning of all of this (whatever ‘this’ is) there’s almost certainly a Sex And The City meme in existence somewhere on the internet that will give you a searingly honest and brilliant take on what it means to be alive.

This one caught my eye recently, and I ended up using it to create a meme for one of my clients’ Instagram accounts. It got me thinking about what we’re all running away from - because let’s face it, we’re probably all running from something, right? Commitment, success, joy, we are the ultimate saboteurs of our own happiness.

Me? Well, I am constantly running away from things that I find difficult. I am 30 and have not yet learned to drive because frankly, I’ve left it too late and am now very nervous about it. I run from things that challenge my Gemini tendency to flit from thing to thing like a butterfly, never settling in one place for too long - namely, writing a novel, which is probably one of the hardest things I could possibly put myself through. A novel requires patience, commitment, and acceptance that I won’t always like what I’m writing. The idea of having to push through and keep going, even when something feels utterly hopeless, is very confronting for me.

I know, I know, get your tiny violin out at this pathetic admission of mine. Obviously, I have lived a very privileged life in many ways, and I have not had to face much hardship (yet) - but I’m curious as to why I (often, not always) feel the urge to scurry off when the going gets tough, instead of sticking it out.

A few weeks ago at dinner on the first warm evening of the year, my friend Kate and I were discussing this exact topic. She made the excellent point that we are both in long-term relationships, both of which require patience, commitment and trust in the process to make it work, so why can’t we apply the same principles to writing?

This stopped me dead in my tracks, because she is SPOT. ON. What’s the deal, Lauren? Why can’t you just roll your sleeves up and write the bloody novel already?

I know that I have something to say, I know that I can write, I know what I need to do. I have all the tools at my disposal. The one thing I do not have is the consistency and drive to actually do the thing, because I am so terrified of getting it wrong, of going through weeks and months of hating every word that comes spilling out of my fingertips. I am running away from my responsibility to myself. When I think back to the little girl who just wanted to write her stories, I feel like I am letting her down.

At some point, I just need to stop running. I need to open up the Word document and write something. Anything.

It’s a tricky thing to admit that you aren’t trying your best, but the truth of it is, I am not trying my best when it comes to writing at the moment. Maybe that’s OK - maybe it’s a necessary part of the process. Or maybe I’ve just backed myself into a corner, my legs running into brick wall, and I just need to turn around and try a different direction.

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Do you find yourself getting in your own way at work or in life? I would really love to hear your take on this in the comments 👇