I applied for a job at Substack and didn't get an interview

A momentary blip, but quite a useful one in the end

Please note: this is not in any way, shape or form a salacious story about how the people at Substack did me wrong by not interviewing me for a job that probably hundreds, if not thousands of other equally capable people applied for. I’m merely posting this because I learned a lot about myself from my very brief foray into the full-time, 9-5 landscape, and thought it might be useful for some of you to read. Remember, all failure is data acquisition, and boy did I come away with a lot of data to unpick.

Ok, let’s get into it, shall we?

As someone who has been very happily self-employed for almost five years, I have always said that if I was to ever go back to full-time employment, it would have to be the dream job.

Like, THE JOB OF ALL JOBS.

So when I was scrolling Instagram one evening and came across a full-time role working in partnerships for Substack UK, I felt compelled to apply. You know, just to see what might happen. No biggie.

I had nothing to lose, so I figured…why not? If I wasn’t shortlisted for interview, at least I gave it a go. If I did go for an interview, it would be good experience. If I got offered the job, I didn’t have to take it. I could go back to my freelance life as if nothing ever happened.

If I’m being totally honest, I think I only applied because a) I didn’t think I had a chance in hell of even getting an interview (turns out I was right on that one), and b) I was feeling quite low and unmotivated, which of course spiralled into, “can I actually do this?” and, “am I really rubbish?” and generally wondering if freelancing is actually the right thing for me after all.

Plus, I had recently read

Laura Jane Williams

’s brilliantly honest piece on how she wanted to disentangle herself from the publishing industry and the feeling of powerlessness over her own career that came with it. Many of the themes in Laura’s post really chimed with me - the idea that we can only keep spending our precious energy fighting against the inevitable for so long. Was I fighting against the inevitable, the inevitable being a career in which I am constantly thinking and worrying about my business, and money, and client retainers, and what if x contract ends or y decides to go a different way or z gets a better offer?

Part Two: I'm a bestselling author but I'm getting a "real" job

Is that really what I signed up for?

Well, yes, it is. It absolutely is what I signed up for, because with the freedom of self-employment comes the incessant worry of it all collapsing in on itself (and the low level guilt of not having a ‘proper job,’ whatever that actually means). That’s the deal, no matter how successful you are.

And you know what? I still love being freelance - even when it is really, really hard and I’m wondering why in the hell I would choose this emotional rollercoaster over a job with holiday and benefits and maternity leave all taken care of for me.

I love my clients, I love my work, I love what my days look like. I feel inspired by the people I work with every single day. The reality is, I would be very, very hesitant to leave it all behind and go back to a full-time job working for somebody else, when I have spent years honing my skills, building a client base and forging relationships that really matter to me.

So, anyway. I spent a couple of hours putting together a CV and cover letter, sent it off into the ether, and put it to the back of my mind. A few days later, I got an automated response from Substack, telling me that I would not be invited for interview this time. And that, as they say, was that.

This experience has reminded me that there is a very good reason why I decided to go self-employed in the depths of the first COVID lockdown in 2020, and that reasoning still stands. I have never found it easy to be in a corporate environment, however creative or dynamic, where the rules are keenly observed but never directly communicated - the social expectations, hierarchies and office politics that make you feel like someone is just waiting patiently for you to trip up. I can play along, sure, but it’s not really a game that I want to participate in, and it’s definitely not how I want to spend my working life.

I will never know what it’s like to work at Substack (I’m sure it’s great for the right people), but I do have a renewed sense of purpose in my little self-employed world, a steadfastness that tells me, “this is where you are meant to be.”

For me, the hard bits of being self-employed are always, always worth it, for the times when it feels like the very best thing in the world. Obviously I reserve the right to change my mind at any moment, but right now, I am very happy as I am.

The freelance life is one of constant unpredictability, but it is also the reason why I get to work with the most incredible people AND have the freedom to take a random Tuesday afternoon off to see the new Paddington film with my mum. It’s the reason why I get to write words and be creative for a living. I live and work on my own terms. I choose how much or how little to take on. My work ebbs and flows with me, and I, it.

I won’t be considering a full-time role for the foreseeable, but I’m really glad that I dipped my toes back into it and learned a little bit more about myself in the process.

For now, I’m just going to keep swimming and see where the current takes me.

I hope you get as much out of this piece as I did during the writing of it! Please do say hi in the comments, if you fancy it 👇