I forgot about my four-year freelance anniversary...

And other notes on living boldly 🎀

The other day, I realised that my four-year anniversary of being a freelancer had come and gone, and I didn’t even acknowledge it. Four years, one week and six days ago on the 1st October 2020, after months of deliberating and wondering if it was the right thing for me, I put my big girl pants on and officially registered as a self-employed writer/social media manager.

On the first anniversary, I was in Malta on holiday with my then very new boyfriend, who actually brought a card with him to give to me (I definitely still have that card tucked away somewhere). I can’t really remember doing anything specific for the second or the third anniversary, but for some reason, the fourth one feels significant. Maybe it’s because this is the longest I’ve ever stayed in the same job. Like most new graduates, I spent my early twenties hopping from company to company, trying on different versions of Corporate Lauren before realising that Corporate Lauren was actually Not Very Happy Lauren and something needed to change, ASAP.

I feel so proud of how far I’ve come since I took those first tentative steps into self-employment. I’ve worked for myself for almost half a decade. I have paid my rent and kept my fridge full and still managed to live and have fun. I’ve saved into a Help to Buy ISA like a good millennial. I survived multiple lockdowns by myself. I have built a life and a business that is mine and mine alone.

I needed to prove that I could do it, but I also needed to prove to myself that it’s possible to live differently, boldly, unapologetically. I saw writers and entrepreneurs like

Laura Jane Williams

and

Sarah Powell

and Lucy Sheridan going it alone, choosing a different path to the traditional 9-5, and I so badly wanted that for myself too. I had spent enough time in corporate London offices to know that I simply didn’t belong there, but I didn’t know where I did belong. All I knew was that I could write, and I knew how to exist on social media.

What followed can only be described as a rollercoaster ride of emotions. I have careered around those sharp bends with terrifying speed, reached the dizziest highs and crashed into the lowest lows. I have worried about money and my reputation and how I’m being viewed by other people. I have been bitterly disappointed when I didn’t get a job and absolutely ecstatic when I did, trembling fingers always reaching for my mum’s number to tell her the good news first. It has been the most exhilarating four years of my life, unforgettable and extraordinary, anxiety-inducing and emotionally exhausting, all at once.

It still astounds me that I have been lucky enough to build a career that works for me, with enough flexibility and sway to meet me where I am. The freelance life comes with a fair few drawbacks, namely the debilitating anxiety that sometimes invades my brain and convinces me that I am rubbish and all of my clients are going to drop me, but the joy I feel when I get to my desk on a Monday morning outweighs all of the negatives tenfold.

Would I choose this path if I could do it all again? Abso-bloody-lutely. Yes. 100% yes.

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Thanks so much for reading! I really hope you enjoyed this one.

Next up: a guide to the perfect day antiquing in Lewes, with recommendations for shopping and food/drink pitstops, of course. See you then!